When you hear someone else tell a story that’s similar to your experience, you are drawn to that person’s vulnerability as they share. Your perspective begins to shift. You begin to realize that you are not the one who should be ashamed.
Seeing other people stand up and tell their stories empowered me to tell mine. I needed to see someone else go first. And that’s why I’m telling my story in my book, Fired Up | Fueling Triumph from Trauma. It’s my turn to go first.
It took so many years and so much work for me to come to a place where I can openly say what happened to me: I was sexually, physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by my father.
I can say it, so you can hear it and know you are not alone. Most victims, when they are being victimized, don’t have that kind of clarity. They don’t know what to call what’s happening to them, so too often, they don’t call it anything at all. They say nothing, and the abuse continues.
Today, I am a big proponent of speaking up and speaking out. I work daily with survivors of sexual assault, harassment, and related crimes in civil court, and I have seen how empowering it is for victims when they finally speak up about what happened.
Speaking out about how you were sexually harassed or abused is difficult. There’s so much shame, and it’s completely understandable to be frightened to say something against those in power. But every time you speak up, you’re building toward taking meaningful action, whether it’s removing yourself from the abuser’s reach, reporting the abuser, healing from the trauma it has caused, saving someone else from the same fate, or something else.
The more we talk about it, the more other survivors will be believed, and we will be able to recover from the trauma it left behind. The more you repress and keep it in, the more you will continue on a path that is not one of your dreams.
When you’re ready to imagine a different life for yourself, know that there’s a world of resources out there to help you on your way, but no one rule or guidebook to follow. It’s about trial and error. Finding what works for you and what doesn’t. In my book, I share a glimpse of what worked for me to get to this point.
That doesn’t mean those things will work for you. The only thing that’s true for all of us is that we have to want something different badly enough to take the first step toward healing, even if you don’t believe yet that healing is possible or don’t even know what that first step is.
What I want people to take away from my book is that you can say what happened to you, and when you do, you’ll find out you are not alone. You’ll discover that your experiences, memories, and feelings are common. They’re valid.
Listen to your feelings and trust your intuition. If a covert or overt sexual invitation or act makes you uncomfortable, you are right to feel that way about it.
You were not destined for a life of shame, unworthiness, or lack. Others are not the only ones that get to live their best life, while you hide in the darkness. You have the power to create a life of light and joy, too.