When someone you love experiences sexual assault, it can be overwhelming and heartbreaking. You may feel unsure of what to say, how to help, or even how to process your own emotions. As a parent or friend, your support can play a crucial role in their healing journey. Here are some trauma-informed ways to offer support, comfort, and guidance while ensuring they remain in control of their own recovery.

1. Believe Them and Validate Their Experience

One of the most important things you can do is believe them. Survivors often fear they won’t be taken seriously or may blame themselves for what happened. Reassure them that you believe them and that what happened is not their fault.

What to say:

“I believe you.”

“I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“This was not your fault.”

“You are not alone. I’m here for you.”

Avoid questioning their story, expressing doubt, or making statements that might imply blame, such as, “Are you sure that’s what happened?” or “Why didn’t you fight back?”

Know that regardless of whatever a person was wearing, doing, or drinking, they never deserve to be touched without their consent. 

2. Let Them Take the Lead

Each survivor copes differently. Some may want to talk about their experience, while others may not. Let them decide how much they want to share and when. Pushing them to talk before they are ready can cause more distress.

How to support their autonomy:

Ask, “Do you want to talk about it?” rather than assuming they will.

Let them know they can share as much or as little as they want.

Follow their lead in discussing next steps, such as seeking medical care or reporting the assault.

3. Offer Emotional and Practical Support

Survivors of sexual assault often experience a wide range of emotions, including fear, anger, sadness, numbness, and guilt. Your role is to be a steady, compassionate presence in their life.

Ways to provide emotional support:

Check in on them without pressuring them to respond.

Remind them that their feelings are valid, no matter what they are.

Encourage self-care, but don’t force them to participate in activities they aren’t ready for.

Ways to provide practical support:

Offer to help with daily tasks like grocery shopping or childcare if needed.

Accompany them to medical appointments or legal consultations if they request it.

Help them research resources such as therapists, support groups, or legal advocates.

4. Understand Trauma Reactions

Sexual assault is a traumatic event that affects survivors in different ways. Some may withdraw, while others may be hypervigilant or easily triggered. Understanding common trauma reactions can help you respond with empathy.

Common reactions include:

  • Anxiety, panic attacks, or depression
  • Difficulty sleeping or nightmares
  • Changes in appetite or energy levels
  • Mood swings or irritability
  • Avoidance of certain places, people, or situations

If they experience these symptoms, reassure them that their reactions are normal and that healing takes time.

5. Support Their Choices Without Judgment

It’s natural to want justice for your loved one, but the decision to report the assault or seek legal action is entirely theirs. Many survivors feel pressure from family and friends to act in certain ways, which can take away their sense of control.

How to respect their decisions:

  • If they don’t want to report, don’t force them. Instead, say, “I will support whatever decision you make.”
  • If they choose to seek therapy, help them find trauma-informed professionals.
  • If they change their mind about what they want, be flexible and supportive.

6. Educate Yourself on Resources

Being informed about available resources can help you guide them if they ask for support. Here are some key resources for survivors of sexual assault:

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): Offers a 24/7 confidential hotline and online chat support. www.rainn.org

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Local rape crisis centers: Many cities have crisis centers that provide counseling, medical advocacy, and legal resources.

Therapists specializing in trauma: Look for providers trained in trauma-focused therapy, such as EMDR or somatic experiencing.

See our resource page for Survivor Support Services in California

7. Take Care of Yourself, Too

Supporting a survivor can be emotionally draining, and it’s important to care for yourself as well. Processing your own emotions, seeking therapy if needed, and setting healthy boundaries will allow you to be a better source of support for them.

Self-care strategies:

Talk to a therapist or a trusted friend about your feelings.

Engage in activities that bring you peace and relaxation.

Educate yourself on secondary trauma and how to prevent burnout.

8. Be Patient and Keep Showing Up

Healing from sexual assault is a long and non-linear process. Survivors may have good days and bad days, and their needs may change over time. Your continued presence and patience will mean the world to them.

Even if they seem distant, your support makes a difference. A simple text saying, “Thinking of you today. No need to respond—just want you to know I’m here,” can remind them they are not alone.

Final Thoughts

Supporting a loved one after sexual assault requires compassion, patience, and understanding. By believing them, letting them take the lead, and respecting their choices, you help restore their sense of agency and safety. Your love and unwavering presence can be a powerful force in their healing journey.

If you or someone you know needs legal support following a sexual assault, trauma-informed attorneys can provide guidance on survivors’ rights and options. You don’t have to navigate this alone—help is available.